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Living Maxwell

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Dating Someone Who Drinks, Part II

I put up a post last week about a date I had recently and it generated a good number of responses. During this date, the woman asked if it bothers me to be with someone who drinks.

In that post, one of the things that I said was that I would “deal with it” if all of the other aspects of the relationship were good and that the drinking was kept to a minimum. This response of saying that I would “deal with it” brought an interesting comment from Tancie, and I thought it was worth addressing in its own blog post here.

Tancie stated that the phrase “dealing with it” would bring up resentment and that I should avoid all women who drink if it makes me that uncomfortable.

For me, drinking is a very complicated issue and is not so cut and dry, especially given the fact that I feel so strongly about other things as well — organic food being one of them.

I feel that I have so many things that I don’t do — drinking, smoking, doing drugs, taking medication– and so many things that  I do do — living healthy, eating organic, practicing yoga and alternative medicine, etc — that I need to prioritize about what is really, really important to me and what I can and cannot accept in a woman.

If a woman is a big drinker, then it is going to be very hard for me. But if she is a casual drinker and doesn’t get drunk, then I would “deal with it.”

As Tancie stated, using the words “deal with it” would bring up resentment. And, I think she is right.

Maybe I should have said “accepted it” and that occasional drinking is something that I need be okay with. Maybe this is the learning for me – to be more tolerant and to not let my issues get in the way of a good relationship.

In the previous post, I clearly said that drinking is a “me issue” yet my choice of words (“deal with it”) sounds like I am making my issue a “she issue” as well.

While drinking is a normal part of most adults’ lives, many people abuse it and use it as an escape. I, for one, only used it as an escape.

Yet, there are individuals who do not abuse it and can easily stop after one drink. This is hard for me to even imagine and clearly impacts how I think about this subject.

Does being around people who drink make me uncomfortable? At times, yes. At times, no.

Do I go to bars and hang out for hours? No. Do I go to parties and dinners where people all around me are drinking? Yes, I almost never have a problem with it.

The matter gets it a little bit more complicated when I am with a woman who drinks because I always say to myself, “if she really cared about me, she would support me and not drink in front of me.”

Maybe that is asking too much.  Maybe that is being too selfish. Maybe I am placing unreasonable expectations on someone else.

Assuming that the woman I am with does drink on occasion, my challenge is to remind myself that this is a “me problem” and not let it become a big deal or stumbling block in the relationship.

I have to be very, very honest here. Doing this will not be easy but it does present me an opportunity to grow, learn and become more accepting.

A message from Tradin Organic

Why Tradin Organic is Prioritizing Regenerative Organic Farming

At Tradin Organic, we believe that regenerative organic farming is key to growing healthy and nutritious food ingredients — for now and for future generations.

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Living Maxwell

Personal

Thank You to My Readers, Thinking of My Mother

I am in Denver for Thanksgiving and will be heading back to Boston tomorrow. Two things have been on my mind.

1) In case you didn’t know, I am an absolute AM radio junkie, mostly sports radio. One of my favorite hosts is Colin Cowherd from ESPN Radio. Practically every single night, I replay some of his segments from earlier in the day.

Something Colin always says resonates with me very deeply, especially now as I am starting to build an audience of my own. He acknowledges that there are many, many options out there and appreciates that people have decided to spend their time listening to him.

And, that is how I feel. There are millions and millions of websites out there, and I am very appreciative that people take the time to read what I write and watch my videos. I do my best to provide interesting and compelling content, both information related to organic food and specific personal issues that I deal with.

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A message from Tradin Organic

How Tradin Organic is Helping Coconut Farmers in The Philippines

For more than a decade, Tradin Organic has been working with local partners in The Philippines to bring a diversified range of organic products to the market, such as coconut oil, tropical fruits and even cocoa.

The company is helping to support local farmers by assisting them with technical support and organic certification, in addition to paying Fairtrade premium on top of the organic premium.

Learn more.

Living Maxwell

Personal

What are Enagi Crystals and Why I Don’t Go Anywhere Without Them

If you are interested in or believe in the power of crystals, Enagi is one product that you will absolutely want to know about.

In this post, I will discuss what makes these crystals so unique, what Zero Point Energy is, and the impact that these crystals have had on my life, particularly my sleep.

THE BASICS

A crystal is simply elements put into a harmonious structure — harmoniously ordered on an atomic level.

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Living Maxwell

Personal

“I Was Told My Brain Was Broken”

In November, I put up blog entry titled The Repercussions of Going on Antidepressants, and I received a comment on this post the other day that both disturbed me and confirmed what I already knew. I thought it merited its own discussion here.

The woman who wrote the comment calls herself NoRx4Me and left the following information:

I was put on an SSRI at 24 years old during a bad marriage. I needed guidance and support, instead I was told my brain was broken.

SSRI’s led to stimulants, mood stabilizers, SNRI’s, and lithium for a short time. I was a mess. I lost 13 years. I have little memory of those years (especially sad, because I was raising two boys). I didn’t grow as a person at all. I quit dating in 2003 and never developed knew friendships either. I didn’t even realize this was odd until I was off meds.

I probably would have responded like some others on here while I was still under the influence and told you the meds were great. With a clear mind and 20/20 hindsight, I know the facts, my life was destroyed.

And they do cause physical problems; I lost a ton of hair, and my teeth are a mess. I look like I’ve aged 20 years instead of 10.

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