Explore Coverage

Living Maxwell

Personal

Dating Someone Who Drinks, Part II

I put up a post last week about a date I had recently and it generated a good number of responses. During this date, the woman asked if it bothers me to be with someone who drinks.

In that post, one of the things that I said was that I would “deal with it” if all of the other aspects of the relationship were good and that the drinking was kept to a minimum. This response of saying that I would “deal with it” brought an interesting comment from Tancie, and I thought it was worth addressing in its own blog post here.

Tancie stated that the phrase “dealing with it” would bring up resentment and that I should avoid all women who drink if it makes me that uncomfortable.

For me, drinking is a very complicated issue and is not so cut and dry, especially given the fact that I feel so strongly about other things as well — organic food being one of them.

I feel that I have so many things that I don’t do — drinking, smoking, doing drugs, taking medication– and so many things that  I do do — living healthy, eating organic, practicing yoga and alternative medicine, etc — that I need to prioritize about what is really, really important to me and what I can and cannot accept in a woman.

If a woman is a big drinker, then it is going to be very hard for me. But if she is a casual drinker and doesn’t get drunk, then I would “deal with it.”

As Tancie stated, using the words “deal with it” would bring up resentment. And, I think she is right.

Maybe I should have said “accepted it” and that occasional drinking is something that I need be okay with. Maybe this is the learning for me – to be more tolerant and to not let my issues get in the way of a good relationship.

In the previous post, I clearly said that drinking is a “me issue” yet my choice of words (“deal with it”) sounds like I am making my issue a “she issue” as well.

While drinking is a normal part of most adults’ lives, many people abuse it and use it as an escape. I, for one, only used it as an escape.

Yet, there are individuals who do not abuse it and can easily stop after one drink. This is hard for me to even imagine and clearly impacts how I think about this subject.

Does being around people who drink make me uncomfortable? At times, yes. At times, no.

Do I go to bars and hang out for hours? No. Do I go to parties and dinners where people all around me are drinking? Yes, I almost never have a problem with it.

The matter gets it a little bit more complicated when I am with a woman who drinks because I always say to myself, “if she really cared about me, she would support me and not drink in front of me.”

Maybe that is asking too much.  Maybe that is being too selfish. Maybe I am placing unreasonable expectations on someone else.

Assuming that the woman I am with does drink on occasion, my challenge is to remind myself that this is a “me problem” and not let it become a big deal or stumbling block in the relationship.

I have to be very, very honest here. Doing this will not be easy but it does present me an opportunity to grow, learn and become more accepting.

A message from E3Live

"My Everyday, Must-Have Green Organic Aquabotanical"

The best testimonial that I can give is that I drink this every single day, as it impacts my mood in an incredibly positive way.

E3Live + BrainON is certified organic, fresh-frozen AFA (Aphanizomenon flos-aquae) with a concentrated, aqueous, organic extract of Phenylethylamine and Phycocyanin.

Learn more.

Go deeper

Living Maxwell

Personal

How Organic Food Played a Crucial Role in My Decision to Quit 11 Years of Antidepressants

In the summer of 2001 and at the urging of my then-girlfriend, I went for an appointment to go see her naturopathic doctor in New York City, the place where we were both living at the time.

Having done acupuncture since high school, I had always been open to alternative medicine and was curious what this woman could do for me.

During our session, she asked me about all of my health and dietary habits – eating, drinking, smoking, drugs, exercise. Everything. In the midst of this conversation, the topic of organic food somehow arose. I remember that I had some notion about what organic food was but wasn’t overly familiar with it.

Go deeper Arrow

Living Maxwell

Personal

Am I Being Too Rigid with My Dating?

Last week I wrote about dating a non-organic woman and the challenges that it creates. A few questions that I grapple with are these — Is my very strong desire to be with someone who eats organic eliminating many great women with whom I could have a relationship? And, is my rigidity causing more harm than good?

Over the last few years, it has become increasingly clear that health is one of my most important values. Almost everything I do revolves health and eating organic food is a huge passion of mine.

My values are what they are and they are not going to change. The only woman with whom I am going to have a successful and happy relationship is someone who shares this same value. Does this mean that she has to be as passionate or into health (organic food) as I am? No, because she may never have been exposed to this lifestyle and doesn’t know much about it. That is perfectly understandable. However, she needs to be open to this way of living and eager to embrace it.

Go deeper Arrow

Living Maxwell

Personal

What are Enagi Crystals and Why I Don’t Go Anywhere Without Them

If you are interested in or believe in the power of crystals, Enagi is one product that you will absolutely want to know about.

In this post, I will discuss what makes these crystals so unique, what Zero Point Energy is, and the impact that these crystals have had on my life, particularly my sleep.

THE BASICS

A crystal is simply elements put into a harmonious structure — harmoniously ordered on an atomic level.

Go deeper Arrow
livingmaxwell: a guide to organic food & drink