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Dating a Non-Organic Woman

Dating a Non-Organic Woman

As my organic eating habits have grown more pronounced over the years and my values have become much more clear, my dating life has been impacted in a serious way. Recently, I was at this organic Mediterranean restaurant here in New York City and saw a woman sitting a few tables away. I thought she […]

Personal Issues
LivingMaxwell.com

As my organic eating habits have grown more pronounced over the years and my values have become much more clear, my dating life has been impacted in a serious way.

Recently, I was at this organic Mediterranean restaurant here in New York City and saw a woman sitting a few tables away. I thought she absolutely stunning and couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. She had great style, wavy blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. To be honest, I was saying to myself “Is this Kate Hudson that I’m staring at?” I really couldn’t tell and my vision is not bad.

From about 15 feet away, I said to her “you’re very beautiful.” I don’t know what got into me to do this but was somehow compelled to do so.

She seemed very surprised and pointed to her friend, confused about who I was talking to.

“No, you,” I replied and pointed straight back at her. This woman was stunned and couldn’t believe that a strange guy was saying these things to her in front of the entire restaurant.

I then invited her to come sit with me (I was eating alone) and after getting the approval of her two girlfriends, she made her way over.

We continued our short conversation for a few minutes. It was a little awkward and the words were not exactly flowing. I was not nearly as smooth as when we were speaking from across the room. Nevertheless, she appreciated my boldness and happily gave me her cell phone number. We ended up going out a few weeks later.

For our first date, we went to Pure Food and Wine, a raw organic restaurant here in NYC, and sat out in the garden. It was a beautiful night and the weather was cooperating in a major way.

Having first met her at an organic restaurant, I figured that she ate this way as well. However, I was soon told that that was a place she and her friends just happened to pass by that afternoon. The fact that it was organic was a pure coincidence and was not intentional at all.

On the other hand, my going there was purely intentional. It was organic and that is THE criteria in how I select restaurants.

Once we got to talking at dinner, she made a comment that coming to organic restaurants was fine once in a while but she did not want to limit herself to these places. She also liked going to New York City’s hot, trendy restaurants that pop up all of the time. Those words were not exactly music to my ears since they are places that I never frequent.

The few hours we spent together that night were fine yet I didn’t sense any real spark. Desperately wanting to like her since she was beautiful, nice, smart and successful, I took her out one more time but came to the realization that this was not meant to be. I didn’t want to waste any more of her time or mine and told her what I was feeling. I thought she was great but being friends would be the best for the both of us.

The fact that she wasn’t as interested in or committed to organic was not the reason that it didn’t work out between the two of us. There simply wasn’t any chemistry. But it certainly got me thinking.

Am I being far too rigid about my organic food criteria for a woman I will date? Is this severely shrinking the number of possible women with whom I could have a relationship? Believe me, I think about this A LOT.

In a post later on this week, I’ll answer these questions.


17 Comments

  • Check this out. I was married to a beautiful organic women for 15 years. She not only loved organic food, but loved organic expensive cars, organic jewelry and organic clothes. But what she loved most of all was other organic men while married to me. So, I gave her an organic divorce.

  • Barbara says:

    From painful experience I can say that YES, it is vital to be on the ” same page” with values, lifestyle , ethics, and nutritional habits! It’s too much of an uphill battle especially if the other person is inflexible, thinks that you should change or that he doesn’t have to respect your path.
    The frendship, respect, harmony and energy are too challenged. And, non- supportive ” partners” are not one’s friends
    After way too long I’ve withdrawn from a relationship which could not be supportive even during a serious recurrence of a life- threatening challenge . He couldn’t even accept my insistence on drinking clean water , etc while declaring that I can drink regular tap water while he continues to buy blotted, sugar laden drinks. The only change he made was to buy expensive versions of his ” diet” eg hot dogs, ice cream, cake, hamburger/ buns tho he still prefers cheese burgers ,fries and a milkshake.
    Sickens me just writing about it.
    More power to you. 🙂 b

  • dacesita says:

    Yup, the ignorant average man dating – as a New York woman I totally agree. Most people pop into organic restaurants because they pass by and in my experience there is no high end organic dining in NYC. And by high end I mean with golden chandeliers, dress-codes etc. I’ve called some of these places and specifically asked what are they cooking from. It’s never organic.
    I drink beer and wine and it is pain to find anything organic, so all bars are out of question as well. The “two drink minimum” in jazz clubs, comedy clubs and other live music places is ridiculous – they will put a gun to your head to drink poison. Most Americans don’t know how real beer and wine tastes. Or even how water tastes.
    The only thing I lament about organic restaurants here is that there is no class in their decorations. It is disturbing to me that most of these places have raw wood tables and servers are wearing “100% organic cotton” t-shirts and they freak out about using electricity or give you a plastic bag. It all makes me feel like some damn hippy and the date I am with feels like he’s entered Jehovah’s Witnesses or something. Organic is NORMAL, not special. Conventional is special and everyone working for them has to have a “100% pesticide treated” tattoo on their foreheads…
    Sorry for the rant.
    From European perspective Americans are apes regarding food and culture of eating, I might move back because of food and illiterate mentality…

  • Lorraine says:

    This is an issue I face in my dating life. People do not understand my passion for a chemical free life. I have tried dating guys who don’t do organic but it just never works out. Wish I could find more people like you that feel as strongly about it as I do.

    • Max Goldberg says:

      Hi Lorraine,

      I understand what you are saying completely. The people who have these values are generally the ones who eat at organic restaurants and shop at organic markets.

      Also, many people will be open to learning from your knowledge and may convert once they learn the truth about all these chemicals.

      Thanks for sharing.

      Live well,
      Max

  • Alegria says:

    Great Story! Pure Foods is one of my favorite restaurants in New York.
    Organic and Raw! you can’t not go wrong…

    As for wanting to date someone who shares the love for organics, makes sense to me.

    A couple of years ago I was back in New york visiting my son who created a blind tasting of organic and regular peppers and cucumbers for me. I detected the pesticides on the non organic vegetables to his amazement!

    After eating organics for so many years you can actually taste the annoying burn and taste of the pesticides in your mouth.

    People who are use to have pesticides in their diet are not as interesting!

    When I started dating my life partner, he was vegetarian. I was 100% raw at the time. I hinted that we were never kiss unless he would become vegan. So he did!

    Some people need a little push in the right direction.

    • Max Goldberg says:

      Hi Alegria,

      Great to connect with you here and thanks for sharing your story! Super-interesting.

      I agree with you. Once you start eating organic, it is very difficult, maybe impossible, to go back. From here on out, I know that I need to be with a woman who embraces organic or it just won’t work out. Sounds relatively similar to your situation.

      Thanks so much for your input!

      Live well,
      Max

  • Kim says:

    Hi Max – I just wanted to pipe up my 2 cents. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We are just now coming into the organic, raw milk, grass-fed meat scene. Yes, we are doing this together and our values are changing together. But, when we met, I was a vegetarian and he was not. I morphed back into a meat-eater and won’t look back now although the quality of the meat and the lives they lead is important to me.

    These things were not the most important things in our lives to us. Our religious beliefs were the same and that has been what has literally held us together for the past 10 years. I think that if this is one of the most important things to you, then yes, you need to find like-minded women. But keep an open mind because you could also find someone who wants to be educated and eat more organically. I would say that, like this woman, if your dates are not interested in this lifestyle, then it won’t work out. But initially she may not be interested until she knows that it’s important to you. Then, if you click, she’d be willing to investigate more.

    So yes, if the situation is perfect and you meet at an organic gardening class, then that would lend itself to more success than the trendy, glamor queen. But even if you don’t, it’s still not a terrible thing to put your beliefs out there to see if she is interested in taking steps your way. At the very least you’ll be giving someone an education!

    Peace & Grace to you, Kim in AZ

    • Max Goldberg says:

      Hi Kim,

      Thanks so much for writing me here. I really appreciate it.

      Yes, it is very important for me to keep an open mind. I understand that not every woman will have my exact organic interests in the beginning (I am always happy to educate someone) but at the end of the day, I could not be with someone who does not share my organic eating habits. It is too important of a value for me.

      Thank you for sharing your story.

      Live well,
      Max

  • Max Goldberg says:

    Hi Randy,

    You’re not late at all and your comment is very much appreciated. Yes, “organic” is a lifestyle and it is a value.

    This woman may already be here. Who knows??? 🙂

    Thanks for your feedback.

    Live well,
    Max

  • Max Goldberg says:

    Hi Christiane,

    Thanks so much! I try to be as open as I can. Some people like it, others are probably uncomfortable by it.

    Yes, we’re all on a journey and every single one of us has an interesting story to tell.

    Live well,
    Max

  • Robin says:

    I am late to this discussion thread, Max, but stick to ur lifestyle. I have found that organic really is a “lifestyle”, consonat w. a lot of other values, and agree w. Randy. She will come ur way soon!

  • Hello Max,
    I love the way you write and share your feelings. This is really a great gift in itself. Of course eating in a healthy way is important and as important is the joy you feel when eating your healthy way. There is so much behind food in itself, a whole set of values as you clearly notice yourself. There is so much to learn about ourself when we dive a little bit deeper. This journey of discovery is certainly a most delightful one. Thank you for sharing a bit of your wonderful journey.
    Warmly,
    Christiane

  • Max Goldberg says:

    Hi Randy,

    I couldn’t agree with you more! This is exactly what I will be writing about in my next post — the importance of values. Getting clear on my values is something that has only happened as of late.

    Previous relationships where values weren’t shared were doomed from the start. At the time, I hadn’t given ample thought as to what was truly important to me and what wasn’t.

    Thanks so much for your input. We think alike!!!

    Live well,
    Max

  • Max Goldberg says:

    Hi Megan,

    It seems that many of the “trendy” restaurants in NYC are not doing the organic thing. This is an assumption because I don’t go there and ask.

    Nevertheless, organic is slowly making its way on to the menus at many restaurants because this is what people are demanding.

    Thanks so much for your feedback!! I really appreciate it. And, yes, organic is very, very big in Cali. I am due for a trip out there!

    Live well,
    Max

  • Hi Max,

    I am in a 20 year relationship and the number one answer that I give people when they ask how we do it is that we have the same values and want the same things from life. So if eating organic food is that important to you, it seems to me that you need a partner/spouse who will at least support you in that without feeling a sense of deprivation and it would of course be ideal if she shared your passion and commitment.

    Those are my thoughts, looking forward to your thoughts later in the week.

    Have a great Thanksgiving.

    Randy

  • fortunately, many of the “hot trendy” restaurants in major cities ARE doing the local organic thing.
    maybe you need to move to cali though my dear. SO many more of the women eat that way out here!

    the BEST thing a new-ish (now-ex) chef boyfriend ever did, was to google on one of our first dates, the places where he could buy organic groceries for us. this, after i got anxious when he recommended stopping by a Safeway to pick up groceries to cook. ugh. Safeway – they have only recently begun introducing organic food and at HIGH costs…..

    anyway.. love this story line.. DO keep writing!

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